OH MY FREAGIN GOSH!!!
WISHING AT 11:11 REALLY DOES WORK SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!
John and I are talking again! I have my best friend back XD
that's about all i have to say to this lol. i'm just sooo freagin happy. it's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders hahaha
i can breathe again :D
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
okay...
wow... the post from the other day, sorry bout that guys. it was a really bad day and i was sooo pissed off at everything and everyone
half the shit i said i didn't mean, and i must say i'm sorry
i just needed to unload all sorts of anger without doing anything stupid like i promised i wouldn't do... that's one of my weaknesses sometimes, my temper
i'm sorry for what i said on the last post. it was just out of pure pissed off mode and it really isn't true
half the shit i said i didn't mean, and i must say i'm sorry
i just needed to unload all sorts of anger without doing anything stupid like i promised i wouldn't do... that's one of my weaknesses sometimes, my temper
i'm sorry for what i said on the last post. it was just out of pure pissed off mode and it really isn't true
Sunday, May 8, 2011
it's been a while... time to update this
hey there. long time no see lol
it's been a while since i've left anything on here so let me recap...
things i realized:
1. john is a mistake never to be made again 2. he was a liar, cheater, fake, idiot, dumb ass, whiney bitch, etc. 3. i am too good of a person to ever down grade myself to be with him 4. did i love him? yes and i still do, but not like i used to 5. i am beautiful 6. i will find a guy that loves me for all of me and won't just feed me lies for months and then leave me with nothing but broken dreams, scars and no heart 7. i am sooo over him and feel free from the trap that i was in 8. i feel bad for what ever girl he's talking to right now, she has no clue what she's getting herself into right now. i kinda wish i could warn her but oh well, i never got a warning 9. now i see why emily ended it with him 10. i have the biggest crush on on of our friends but it's just a crush, temporary thing, plus he's taken and i'm happy for him 11. john never deserved my attention in the first place 12. i have good friends and should listen to their advice more often, not be so stubborn 13. my life sucks but the lessons that are taught to me will forever last 14. my mistake with him has enabled me to write some great poems and songs 15. i am more protective over my heart because of him 16. i am way better than him at JROTC, and he's just a sucky ass cadet who can't do shit right (according to all sorts of ppl who knew/know him) 17. yeah, we're still friends but it's like a distant "hey, how ya doin" thing, not like it used to be 18. i hope he falls on his ass when he realizes what he's screwed up with *cough, losing me, cough* 19. I AM OVER HIM AND HIS FREAGIN LYING, CHEATING, BITCHY SELF!!!!!!!!!!!
i realized a lot of things lol, but hey, isn't that what i should have done? i'm glad that i had the chance to fall on my ass because of him. if i wouldn't have, i might not have known that i need to watch my heart more than i already do. i really don't know what to say other than thank you.
if you read this John, thank you soo much. thank's for being the ass, the douche, the dumb ass, the cheater, the liar, the fag, etc. the everything you promised you wouldn't be. thanks for breaking promises, ruining my heart, my self esteeme, my mind, my arms, my trust level, my open'ness level. thanks for always complaining about how you weren't over your petty lil 9 month relationship. thanks for not really caring about me. thanks for fucking some chik the second day of us dating. thanks for not wallowing in your own self pitty. thanks for asking if i was okay when i felt like shit. thanks for asking me how my day was. thanks for feeding me lies. thanks for WAITING TIL A MONTH before you realized that i was your "rebound relationship". thanks for talking things out with me when you should have. thanks for running to your sis for help when i was ALWAYS right there for you. thanks for opening my eyes to reality. thanks for proving that fairytales aren't real. thanks for proving that wishing at 11:11 is pretty much pointless. thanks for telling me you were going to break up with me before you did it like a douche through facebook. thanks for proving my mom right with the fact that i'll never be able to have someone who will ever love me. thanks for making me cry almost every other night because i felt like i wasn't being a good enough girlfriend for you and because i was worried that you were fucking some other chik. thanks for waisting my 30 bucks to pay for your ticket for my militar ball (witch i'd love if you'd pay me back). thanks for everything that you did and put me through.
that's about it. i feel like i can breathe now. i feel normal again. i'm sooo over him.
NEVER FUCKING AGAIN AM I FALLING FOR A DOUCHE/ASS!!!!!!!
it's been a while since i've left anything on here so let me recap...
things i realized:
1. john is a mistake never to be made again 2. he was a liar, cheater, fake, idiot, dumb ass, whiney bitch, etc. 3. i am too good of a person to ever down grade myself to be with him 4. did i love him? yes and i still do, but not like i used to 5. i am beautiful 6. i will find a guy that loves me for all of me and won't just feed me lies for months and then leave me with nothing but broken dreams, scars and no heart 7. i am sooo over him and feel free from the trap that i was in 8. i feel bad for what ever girl he's talking to right now, she has no clue what she's getting herself into right now. i kinda wish i could warn her but oh well, i never got a warning 9. now i see why emily ended it with him 10. i have the biggest crush on on of our friends but it's just a crush, temporary thing, plus he's taken and i'm happy for him 11. john never deserved my attention in the first place 12. i have good friends and should listen to their advice more often, not be so stubborn 13. my life sucks but the lessons that are taught to me will forever last 14. my mistake with him has enabled me to write some great poems and songs 15. i am more protective over my heart because of him 16. i am way better than him at JROTC, and he's just a sucky ass cadet who can't do shit right (according to all sorts of ppl who knew/know him) 17. yeah, we're still friends but it's like a distant "hey, how ya doin" thing, not like it used to be 18. i hope he falls on his ass when he realizes what he's screwed up with *cough, losing me, cough* 19. I AM OVER HIM AND HIS FREAGIN LYING, CHEATING, BITCHY SELF!!!!!!!!!!!
i realized a lot of things lol, but hey, isn't that what i should have done? i'm glad that i had the chance to fall on my ass because of him. if i wouldn't have, i might not have known that i need to watch my heart more than i already do. i really don't know what to say other than thank you.
if you read this John, thank you soo much. thank's for being the ass, the douche, the dumb ass, the cheater, the liar, the fag, etc. the everything you promised you wouldn't be. thanks for breaking promises, ruining my heart, my self esteeme, my mind, my arms, my trust level, my open'ness level. thanks for always complaining about how you weren't over your petty lil 9 month relationship. thanks for not really caring about me. thanks for fucking some chik the second day of us dating. thanks for not wallowing in your own self pitty. thanks for asking if i was okay when i felt like shit. thanks for asking me how my day was. thanks for feeding me lies. thanks for WAITING TIL A MONTH before you realized that i was your "rebound relationship". thanks for talking things out with me when you should have. thanks for running to your sis for help when i was ALWAYS right there for you. thanks for opening my eyes to reality. thanks for proving that fairytales aren't real. thanks for proving that wishing at 11:11 is pretty much pointless. thanks for telling me you were going to break up with me before you did it like a douche through facebook. thanks for proving my mom right with the fact that i'll never be able to have someone who will ever love me. thanks for making me cry almost every other night because i felt like i wasn't being a good enough girlfriend for you and because i was worried that you were fucking some other chik. thanks for waisting my 30 bucks to pay for your ticket for my militar ball (witch i'd love if you'd pay me back). thanks for everything that you did and put me through.
that's about it. i feel like i can breathe now. i feel normal again. i'm sooo over him.
NEVER FUCKING AGAIN AM I FALLING FOR A DOUCHE/ASS!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
2 days after the end of something great
wow.... 28 days it was. 28 days of pure joy, happiness, love, hope, dreams, wishes, laughter, sleep, contentment, progression, excitment, girlyness, etc.
28 days that my heart kept telling me, "this is right. it's ment to be. don't rush, it's perfect"
28 days that my mind kept telling me, " this isn't right, it's just his rebound. don't get too attached or you'll get hurt"
the one time i listen to my heart fully before i listen to my mind, i get hurt. bad.... but after 2 days of deep thoughts *and not to mention on the what would have been 1 month*, i realized that it really was his rebound relationship. i was basically used as a bounty paper towel to clean up the mess that she left him in... but wasn't that partly why i was there? to help him out and help him get over her? yes. but i wasn't ment to be used as a rebound girl. and was i clingy? yes, slightly but what do you expect when he fucks some chik only 2 days after you start dating? it was still lingering in the back of my mind. but i was almost over that. did i really love him? yes, and i still do. he's my best friend. and i know it's crazy, trust me i even think it's crazy, but i know that if i wait, we might have another chance. everything i said, i ment. and it all started with me saying that i loved the "morning glory" pic that he has on one of his fb albums.... and it led into me helping him out with their relationship, to me helping him out right after their final breakup. to us.
every single one of the 28 days plays in my head like a movie... from the first conversation, to the "hypothetically speaking" conversations, to the military ball, to the late night/early morning talks, to thursday....
and the worst thing about this? i feel like it's my fault. it's my fault because i was paranoid after that dreaded tuesday. it's my fault because i couldn't help him the way i wanted to with getting over her. it's my fault for... idk, everything i guess.
imma end this i guess.... it's 2 in the morning and i need to try to sleep
i love you, always no doubt john
28 days that my heart kept telling me, "this is right. it's ment to be. don't rush, it's perfect"
28 days that my mind kept telling me, " this isn't right, it's just his rebound. don't get too attached or you'll get hurt"
the one time i listen to my heart fully before i listen to my mind, i get hurt. bad.... but after 2 days of deep thoughts *and not to mention on the what would have been 1 month*, i realized that it really was his rebound relationship. i was basically used as a bounty paper towel to clean up the mess that she left him in... but wasn't that partly why i was there? to help him out and help him get over her? yes. but i wasn't ment to be used as a rebound girl. and was i clingy? yes, slightly but what do you expect when he fucks some chik only 2 days after you start dating? it was still lingering in the back of my mind. but i was almost over that. did i really love him? yes, and i still do. he's my best friend. and i know it's crazy, trust me i even think it's crazy, but i know that if i wait, we might have another chance. everything i said, i ment. and it all started with me saying that i loved the "morning glory" pic that he has on one of his fb albums.... and it led into me helping him out with their relationship, to me helping him out right after their final breakup. to us.
every single one of the 28 days plays in my head like a movie... from the first conversation, to the "hypothetically speaking" conversations, to the military ball, to the late night/early morning talks, to thursday....
and the worst thing about this? i feel like it's my fault. it's my fault because i was paranoid after that dreaded tuesday. it's my fault because i couldn't help him the way i wanted to with getting over her. it's my fault for... idk, everything i guess.
imma end this i guess.... it's 2 in the morning and i need to try to sleep
i love you, always no doubt john
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