wow. i dont believe i've ever been this confused in my life. the one thing i wish would have been true ages ago way back at the beginning of the year, the thing that i was told was a lie to cover up the feelings he had from the past, the one thing that helped create the good days at the beginning of the year when almost everything was dead, turns out to be true?? like wtf? ugh, fml. i had fallen so hard for him and then he just continued to crush me down to almost nothing, ends it saying i was just a rebound girl and is now telling me this?? what do i do!? how should i feel? i dont know at all. the things that used to be are now resurfacing after months of being burried to get over the hurt that was caused, and i honestly dont know what to do or how to feel... for once in my life i feel completely helpless and lost with my emotions. the words and broken promises of the past are resurfacing so quickly now i feel as though i'm drowning, and quickly.... and this isnt helping <.< everlong just started playing on pandora FML everytime i hear this song i cry, i cant help but let the tears fall down. why the fuck does life have to throw all the curve balls at me knowing that i'm going to strike out and miss? like, i dont know whether to trust what he's saying or not. he admitted to using me as a rebound and to using me until him and emily finished their "break" that they were apparently having. and it seems like now that he's striked out on every other girl he's coming back to me <.< and do i love him, yes and i will always have a spot in my heart for him but the love that i had for him slowly dwindled away to almost nothing with everything that happened. and the guy that i've loved for 2 years and never really wanted to admit to it is finally mine, and i'm finally his.... this is just sooo confusing. i.... i just don't know how to feel with this. and he's saying he's changed and everything, but how am i soppossed to know? how do i know if he's just trying to play me again? or if he's just trying to use me to get buy until he can get with the next girl that he knows..... this is crazy fucking bullshit that life is giving me; i've been completely happy and worry free for 3 months now, and it decides to throw this curve ball at me... i hope i dont strike out and miss like i've always done.
i just wish he would explain to me everything that he's trying to tell me... why he loves me now when he said he didnt 5 months ago, why he never told me he loved me if he loved me all along, and why is he telling me this now, after all this time, after all the tears, after all the cuts..............why??
