i figured i'd give this a shot... never done this before for people to read and i guess it will be a lil easier for me instead of writing everything out....
today was a long day. and last week was a long week as well
where should i start off with for the week? i guess i could go back one week before. johny was having some issues with Her and i was doing the best i could to help, talk to him and try to give him some advice on what might be going on/ what to do. It ended and i felt like it was my fault in a way. i say this because i'm one of those weirdos who makes the wish every night at 11:11 and hopes that it comes true, and when i first met johny, i wished that we would be together one day.... and then when he told me that they were done, i was devestated in my heart but my mind was like yes (btw, i have a constant struggle with my heart and my mind). so after that, it was close to the military ball (2 arpil 2011) and my and johny had been talkin "hypothetically" jokin around with things that led to serious talk....
that night at the ball was the best night of my life to come. i was soooo nervous about seeing him and when we did see each other, it was an epic hug. that night was alsog the night that he asked me to be his girlfriend in the sweetest way ever, the night of our first kiss after he asked me (while sitting in some chairs in line for pics), the night of our first makeout (closer to getting pics taken by a colum) and the night that i got completely lost in his eyes.
That night was also the night that i realized that someone actually liked me for all of me, not just for looks (which i have none), not just for the way i am sometimes, and not just to get with my best friend.... that night, i realized that there is a such thing as life, love, hope, happiness, etc. and i don't think i would have ever been able to realize that without him... Johny, if you happen to read this, I love you always no doubt
Then after that saturday, monday and tuesday flew by, i was in such a daze, blinded by love and by the thought of him and that night...
then on wednesday afternoon, i was informed of something that CRUSHED my heart... he cheated on me. I never thought it could happen but it did... randomly, some chik messages me on fb and tells me this story about what happened and of course i was in shock, doubt, etc... i couldn't breathe and i actually stopped breathing for a minute. i couldn't stop crying and my heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. i made a status on fb and someone from heights messaged back to me askin if it was about john, i said yeah and he gave me the whole story that he heard floating around school... so i got up the courage to ask john for my self... after about 15 minutes of begging and pleading if it was true or not he told me the truth....
i forgave him for 3 reasons : 1) i believe in second chances
2) everyone has their flaws and his showed that day, and he removed them
3) he has had my heart for years, i just never knew about it until now
so now that all the drama has gone away, it's been one week as of yesterday and it seems like it's been months.... i can't go one minute without thinking about him, i slip up and call some of my friends john, and i wonder about the future
i was completely devestated when i was told that we were going to be moving at the end of the year... go figure, i get told. "yeah, we're gonna stay here until you graduate" and then on the best night of my life, i get told we're moving... the thing is is i don't want to loose john, i don't want to leave him and i never want to spend one more second without him.... i know it sounds stupid to hear someone at 16 say that they're completely in love with someone, but i don't care what others think, i know i'm in love. i know that i've been happier, been alive, been myself ever since john and i just started talking... he, for some reason i can't imagine, sees all of my flaws as beautiful. he says he loves my eyes and how they change colours. he tells me so many things that just make me feel soo much better about myself, it's undescribbable...
i just don't know what to do. i don't want to have just 2 months with the only person who is like the perfect match for me, i want to have the rest of my life with him... the only thing that we need to make this work is for him to completely trust me and know that i won't hurt him like all the others have, i'm different, i actually care about him. i want to show him that we can make long distance work because i love him so much and i've never felt more alive in my life.
and honestly, i know, once again, you may think it's just stupid teenage crap, that i can see spending the rest of my life with my johnybear... growing old, watchin our kids, grandkids, and greatgrand kids grow up etc.
god, if you really are there, please give me this ONE thing that i've ever asked for, and the only thing that i'll ever ask for; please let me and john stay together through out as long as i live... and please make sure that i die a day before he does so that i don't have to endure living one day without him if you do allow us to stay together...oh and btw, even if you try to tear us apart in some way, i know we're gonna make it
guess that's it for my first posting... it's a lot but ehh, some may be a hell of a lot longer and some super short...
<3 I love you John Philip Marcelo Roxas, always no doubt <3
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